Day 5 - In the Ghetto

We spent Mon. morn lazily hanging out with Gerald, who had, by reason of foul weather, graced us with his presence. Jane made us an awesome omelet out of our raclette leftovers. G allowed us to lie down on each side of him and love him bald. We made a G sandwich and he ate it up.

While he was sleeping we sneaked out to the grocery to pick up provisions for Heidelberg, including more chocolate for our ongoing scientific experiments. We were surprised to see him still there when we returned, and our departure was delayed for more kitten mojo.

We finally left for Heidelberg around 4:30 and it was pouring. The traffic wasn’t horrible – at least there were no big tie ups or anything, and we rolled into Heidelberg around 6:30. Just before we came into Heidelberg, the skies cleared and were a gorgeous blue. Jane’s dump (as she calls it) is high up on a very steep hill. She wants to get out of here before she has to worry about driving up in the snow. We drove through Heidelberg to get to the apt., along the Neckar river. We could see the castle ruins all lit up on the side of the Huckleberry Mountain (it’s said that’s why Mark Twain came here.) And they WERE ruint when we got here.

We drove up and up and up a steep and winding and narrow road to get to Jane's apartment. It was once used as housing for visiting professors (for the University of Heidelberg) which explains its dorm-like atmosphere.

So…who put the dump in “Jane’s dump?” Not Jane. The thing about it is that it is exactly like a college dorm. It even SMELLS like a dorm. As Jane says, “If you were 20 and this was your first apartment, you’d probably be thrilled. But when you are 49.9999 years old…” It’s pretty dismal. She has one room. Not one bedroom, one room. Her bed is clearly a dorm bed. The landlord brought me up a rollaway bed, and I think it was the same one “Cousin Ernie” used when he came to visit “Cousin Lucy” and “Cousin Ricky” in New York. It would have been more comfortable if I used it the way he did, still folded up. We weren’t in bed 10 minutes before I had the mattress off and on the floor. You can see more of Jane's Ghetto by looking at my entry titled, "Living in a Hell Hole."

Anyway, after we dumped our stuff in her dump, we decided to take the footpath down to the main street that runs along the river and get a bus into Heidelberg. Of course, by this time it had started pouring again. The road up to Jane’s apartment is very steep, and the footpath is a shortcut, so you can just imagine how steep it is. It was actually a little scary going down in the rain because you kept gaining momentum. I was afraid I was going to slip on one of the “naked snails” (slugs) on the path. They were as big as cigars. By the time we made it to the bus stop, my pants were soaked with the water that had dripped off of my raincoat.

We caught the bus and took it to Bismarkplatz (mom – it’s right by WOOLWORTH’S!) and then took another bus to the train station in hopes of getting me a Heidelberg Card which would let me take public transportation and get into a lot of things free or at a reduced price. Unfortunately, the tourist info office was closed. We took another bus back to the Bismarkplatz and took a stroll down the main pedestrian-only shopping street (the Hauptstrasse). It was after 8 pm, so all the stores were closed. We were starving, of course, and finally chose a pretty restaurant with a menu of mostly German food. The name of the restaurant is Perkeo, and there was a picture of a little short guy dressed in 17th century garb on the sign. We had good local pilsners and Jane had a Thai salad. I had the turkey schnitzel in paprika sauce with a great salad and mediocre fries. Later on during my visit, I was to learn MUCH about Perkeo, the "little short guy," and you can see other images of him in this blog (check the label "Perkeo.") His image was in the castle, and also in the Student Prison.

We walked down to the river to catch the bus back to the Gulag, and when we got on (it was very crowded, nowhere to sit) the driver wouldn’t take our money. Jane’s stop is only 4 stops down, and when we got off, Jane gave him a chocolate. He was very surprised and grateful! Wow! We’re keeping our pockets loaded with Ritter Sport from now on.

The climb back up the footpath, even though it was raining, was BRUTAL. I was dying. But we did finally make it, got to the apt., jumped into our jim-jams and watched an episode of Family Guy before lights out.

Day 6 - Home Alone

On my own for the first time. Think McCauley Culkin in Heidelberg.

Jane got up early for work. I had had a pretty lousy night’s sleep so I slept in, got up and had some joghurt & muesli mit kaffe and wrote yesterday’s travelogue. Thought I would soak my sore shoulder in the tub. Jane has a nice long big tub. Above it there is a hot water heater. When you want hot water, you dial it up, hit the button and wait about 10 minutes or so for it to heat up. It took me 2 full cycles to get about a third of a tub of water, but it seemed to help.

I left the Gulag and climbed down that awful steep hill (you walk down it like you are constipated because you’re so worried that the momentum is going to get you going so fast you can’t put on the brakes) and actually got onto the right bus. I couldn’t make the driver understand me, though, and had to pull out the map and point.

Once on the main shopping drag in Heidelberg (the Hauptstrasse) I started moseying. The Hauptstrasse is the main drag in Old Heidelberg - it's a long, wide cobbled pedestrian-only boulevard with restaurants and shops on each side. To one side, about two blocks away, is the Neckar River. To the other side, high on the hill, is the castle ruin. By the time I started walking it had rained and stopped raining twice already. (The entire rest of the day was like that – soft shower, then sun, then shower, then sun. It never rained hard or for long, but I my umbrella got a workout.) As soon as I set foot in the Marktplatz I saw two cops walking the beat. It was a man and a woman, and they looked like they came out of “Reno 911.” My first thought was, “Jane would want to change his diaper.”

I stopped at a costume jewelry store I had read about on VirtualTourist.com. It’s called Andrea, and the owner represents about 80 jewelry artists. The jewelry was interesting and the owner and I had a nice conversation.

About halfway down the Hauptstrasse, a young man, an escapee from the Von Trapp family, ran up to me and started yapping in German. I said, “I understood ‘Save the Children’” (there was a group of young men and women collecting for the charity.) He said, “Are you in Heidelberg on holiday?” And I said, “I am visiting my Schwester.” He said, “Your sister or your daughter?” So I said, “SCHWESTER! The one word I know in German and you didn’t understand me!” He thought that was hilarious.

Farther down there is a store with a little stuffed bear above the door. He blows bubbles!

I continued to go in and out of stores until I’d gotten nearly to the other end of the Hauptstrasse, and I was getting a little peckish. There was a guy standing inside a doorway eating this great oval pizza-looking thing out of a cardboard envelope. I went back 3 times before I caved. It was pizza, just individual oval shaped pizza, and it was served in a cardboard envelope (think McDonald’s apple pie container, only bigger.) Drove the pizza on a stick guy right outta business. I walked over to the Bismarckplatz and sat down to eat my P.I.E. when I felt something wet on my pants. No biggie – it had been raining off and on all afternoon – but no, it was a strawberry. A big, fat juicy strawberry.

Next I went into Woolies (Woolworth’s.) It was ok. I decided to head to the train station (about another mile) to see about getting a Heidelberg Card. We read on the internet that it gets you in free to a lot of attractions and gives you free use of public transportation. That would be a great savings to me in taking the bus – one way is 2.10e. On the way to the train station, I got lost a little bit but found a 2^nd hand store and a gnome store. Made notes to return with Jane. There was a tiny pond and a park down some steps so I went to check it out and found a great blue heron sitting on top of the gazebo. He let me take his picture. Unfortunately, a camera glitch caused the picture to become corrupted, but I still have the picture of the fountain.

Across from the train station is a shopping center which contains a very cool British food store. It's called Piccadilly, and it had everything from Spotted Dick to teapots.

Finally made it to the train station only to find out that the Heidelberg card does not include public transportation, and rather than waste it, I want to get one when Mike gets here and we can do some touristy stuff together. Hung around the station for a short while talking to Jane on the phone to decide where to meet and stuff. The station is across from the Print Media Academy. There is a HUGE and very cool sculpture of a horse made out of metal. I got a good picture of it. Had a $3.00 diet coke while I waited. God, I miss the Big Gulp.

I decided to walk toward the Neckar (the river that runs through Heidelberg) and just make my way up some side streets. I found a pretty café (Merlin Cafebar) with outside tables, and it had, once again, stopped raining and was nice out. So I took a seat, called Jane (she knew the café) and drank coffee and read my book while I waited. While I was waiting, two little girls (around 2-3 yrs) were having a blast taking their napkins and going around wiping the tables off. If one was wiping a table off and the other came to the same table, the first one would have a cow. They were charming.

Jane got there and as we sat, 2 policemen came over and asked us if it was our car parked illegally along the curb (it was not.) Jane decided instead of diapering them, she would be willing to breastfeed. We started walking up to the Hauptstrasse to have dinner together.

First we hit a natural food store where we got to try out several different foods from cheese to cookies. (Later on the Hauptstrasse we got to taste test peach liquor. We may do a book on eating and drinking for free in Germany.) At the Bismarckplatz we took the escalators up to the top of the Kaufhaus Gallerie and took the glass elevator down. I got some good pictures from there, which you can see above. Not bad for being taken through glass, with the elevator moving! You can see the reflection of Jane & me in one of them if you look closely.

On our way through the Hauptstrasse, we ran into my Von Trapp again. This time I got to say, “THIS is my Schwester,” and he remembered me and we had another laugh about it, but I still didn’t give him any money to save the children.

We found the Indian restaurant we were headed for, Indian Palace. We ordered naan, chicken tikka masala and chicken korma. It was all very very good, and the service was nice, too. On our way back down the Hauptstrasse to the car, I saw a store window with a mannequin wearing some beads. BIG beads. Took a picture to share with my bead buddies.

We walked back to the car, drove home to the ghetto. Jane had told me that when she went to her car in the morning, every car in the place was covered with thick blue powder. She had gone and gotten her car washed before she came to get me, but when we got back to the Bronx there was still one car in the garage covered with the stuff and a number of residents standing around discussing it. It appears that it was from a fire extinguisher (it really is like the Delta House.) Even in the hallways someone had gone to town with the extinguisher. We got to the dump and jumped into our jammies, watched most of Frankie and Johnny and went to bed.

Day 7 - Home Alone 2

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Day 9 - Bridges, Brides, Monkeys, and Marzipan Penises

Got up late. Jane had made me breakfast again (veggie burger) and I packed up everything else I needed for the day and tidied up the apartment. This time I actually jogged down the entire hill. I’m getting good. Got the bus to the Alte Bruecke and walked up to Mike’s hotel, where he was waiting. I had just had breakfast (it was after 12) and he was hungry so we went to find something for him to eat.

Mike saw some teens with this really great-looking gyro type thing. He asked the kid where he got it, and this nice teenager actually walked us over to Gino’s which turns out to be a Mexican fast food place that serves gyros – Nancy and Jane had eaten there last year. Mike’s sandwich was delicious.

We took a great walk all the way down to the Karlstor at the far end of Heidelberg. We stopped at the Kornmarkt where there was a really great view of the castle. The golden statue of the Madonna (Marienstatue) at the Kornmarkt is also beautiful. It was built in 1718. When you are standing in the Kornmarkt, and you look up at the Marienstatue with her golden crown, the castle ruins make her backdrop. I think it was one of the loveliest view in Heidelberg.

We also walked around the Holy Spirit church where there are these really tacky souvenir stands between the buttresses. It turns out that there have been small stores there since 1480. The Holy Spirit is the cathedral which dominates the center of Heidelberg (known in Heidelberg as the Heiliggeistkirche.)

In a small grocery store Mike picked up a bottle of vodka for Jane. While we were in the store Mike mentioned that it smelled exactly like Aunt Lottie's general store back in Missouri. Both of us were transported to our childhoods by the smell. In the window of another small store was an amazing array of marzipan candies in the shape of penises, mating pigs, etc. Another great photo op!

By now I was peckish, so we went to Big Pommes and ordered a curry wurst and fries, which we shared. Totally excellent. Mike even had a poison soda. He says he’s on vacation and can have as much poison as he wants.

I had been really wanting to check out the Alte Bruecke (Old Bridge), more formally known as the Karl-Theodor Bruecke. The four original wooden bridges were always being destroyed by flood, fire or ice, so when the last wooden bridge was destroyed in 1784, Prince Elector Karl Theodor commissioned the stone bridge. Part of the old city wall is preserved on the medieval bridge gate on the town side.

We went over to the bridge, and first were fascinated by the high water marks dating back to 1784, when there was a terrible flood. At the entrance there is a brass statue of a monkey, with the face being like an open mask. Apparently, the thing to do is to stick your head up in there and take a picture. Next to the monkey statue there is a tiny brass sculpture of 2 mice. While we were there, I took pictures of two brides and grooms who were doing photo shoots on the bridge.

We walked across the bridge, and when you get to the center there is the most amazing view of the castle and all of Heidelberg. Gorgeous. There are also some beautiful houses on the other side of the river. We spent some time just walking and taking pictures then went back to the monkey statue. I was having Mike take my picture in the monkey mask when this young man just jumped over and put his arm around me and got in the picture! Then he just yapped and yapped to us about his friends: “He is a German boy on the phone with his girlfriend. He is saying, ‘I am sorry, I am in Heidelberg! I am sorry!’, and he is an Italian boy!” and so on about his mates.

Walking back we saw a building with more flood marks. We spied a huge spider web, with the spider right in the center. Mike said, “he needs a bug.” I said, “let’s get him a bug!” and Mike saw one right away. I picked it up and tossed it into the web. Man, did that spider MOVE. He sped right on over and started his lunch. I heard a tiny voice say, “thank you.” (The tiny voice sounded a lot like Mike.)

We also saw a beautiful orange tiger hunting at a grate. He was totally focused! I tried to move the grate so he could get in and get his prey, but it was no go.

We stopped in this little Asian Markt where the proprietress just talked and talked about her son’s visit to New York City. She even had pictures. She was so cute and so happy to be talking to us. Mike got Jane a little present in there.

The day before we’d seen a man putting gold stuff on his face and lower legs and feet and didn’t know what he was doing. Turns out he’s one of the street performers. He has a gold robe and a gold Roman helmet. He is able to hold perfectly still, just like a statue. When anyone puts coins in his hat, he moves robotically and thanks them. He is the better of the street musicians we’ve seen – there is this awful couple – he plays jazz on a saxamaphone and she plays the tambourine. He is good, but she looks totally stupid wiggling and slapping that thing on her butt, and her rattling on it just ruins the jazz.

Jane picked us up right by the Dubliner and we drove to Freiberg. Thomas had just gotten in ahead of us, and the G was already there, getting loved by his Daddy! We walked over to Chiarivari for dinner. Mike and Jane had wonderful big salads with curried chicken, Thomas had a spaetzle and cheese dish, and I had the best calves’ liver and taters I’ve ever had. We had good German beer out of pottery steins.

Walked back to Jane’s crib and watched most of Borat and then turned in.

Day 12 - "Hot Sex Toys"

Jane left for work, leaving me a delicious salmon salad for breakfast. I took the bus, got on at the front and proffered my 5 Euro note to the driver, who looked at it for a minute, rolled his eyes, sighed, and finally snatched it from me and gave me my ticket. That’s it, brother. I’m not paying for another bus ticket. If I get caught, I am playing d-u-m. By the way, sitting at the bus stop has become pretty interesting - at my back is the Neckar river, where I often see big Rhineships, and across from me is a lovely chalet up on a hill, and a stone cross with a carving of Jesus (Jesus at the Bus Stop.) No church in sight, although there must be one. I took pictures of the cross and the chalet, and later in the week got some pictures of the Rhine Ships.

Picked up Mike from his hotel and we walked across the street and bought some grapes and the biggest, most beautiful blackberries I’ve ever seen. We walked down to the weird candy store where one window is a dummy in a dentist chair. We went inside. What happens is, you wait in line, and when it is your turn, you point at what you want and the owner puts it in a bag. The owner was in his 50s or 60s, and he had a beard combed into a Mohawk! On a side street we saw some really interesting vegetables, one looked like a cross between cauliflower and broccoli, with these weird, intricate florets.

We strolled down a back street and saw a curry take-out that looked like a good possibility for lunch, and we also found an English language bookstore (their card reads: "Presence with Word: Where Physical Meets Abstract). Down an alley there was a place called Brot & Salz. I was curious about it (it means Bread & Salt) so we walked down there. It turned out to be a church-run food pantry. I asked one of the volunteers whether they had any clients who speak English and he said, yes, there was an American woman, so I gave him a bookcrossing book to give to her.

We went down to the department store Kaufhof and Mike got a new “arm band” (wrist watch strap) and he did it all in German. We cruised back up the Haupstrasse. The Save the Children group is gone, but Medicin Sans Frontiers (Doctors without Borders) has moved in. I miss my Von Trapp. Also, the strasse was teeming with LDS missionaries in their suits and ties. At one point there were about 20 of them grouped together and singing hymns in German in nice harmony. The Mormon Tabernacle Choir in Heidelberg! We also passed a store which caused Mike to take a picture. He has such a dirty mind.

We went to the Indian restaurant and had a great lunch for about 10 Euro total – I had chicken korma and Mike had chicken tikka masala.

We stopped into a liquor store to get Mike a bottle of cherry liquor, and we asked the owner why we had been unable to find any potato vodka in Germany. He said they don’t import it to Germany, it’s inferior to the grain vodka they import. At a little Chinese place I bought a tiny Lucky Cat for Nancy.

We needed Heidelberg Cards so we set off to find the Tourist Office we had found the day before. We finally located it, and I said to the girl, “I want one card, for 2 days.” I held up my index finger for “one.” Then I repeated myself and held up my thumb in the European way to indicate “one.” She very snottily said, “You don’t have to repeat yourself, I understand English.” So I said, I wasn’t repeating for you, I was practicing for me. Even snottier she said, “Puh. Practicing your English?” I said no, I was practicing how to show numbers; in the U.S. you hold up your index finger, here you hold up your thumb. She wasn’t ready to give in so she said, “in some cases.” Puh. Then, as it happened, they didn’t have any 2-day cards left so she sent us to the Rathaus (City Hall). Before I left I bought a Gluckschwein (Lucky Pig) for Jaime.

We got to the Rathaus and two really pretty girls sold us our Heidelberg cards. There was also a little art exhibit, some painter who makes great use of triangles. The Rathaus is in the platz near the Holy Spirit Cathedral, and across from the Kornmarkt. While I was waiting for Mike to use to the WC, I got a drink out of a really pretty water fountain that was carved from marble. While I was taking a drink I looked up and was amazed to see that there was a nautilus fossil embedded into the marble. There is a picture of the fountain, then a close up of the fossil.

After that we went to an internet café to check e-mail and so forth. We also stopped at a grocery and got the coldest bottled beers we’ve ever had in Europe. We found a keramic (ceramic) store tucked in an alley and went in - they had beautiful pottery and jewelry.

We coordinated with Jane to meet at the Bismarckplatz and go to an Italian place near there for dinner. We had gotten some leads on books released in Heidelberg, and some were near Bismarckplatz. We met Jane and walked around looking for bookcrossing books and checking out the restaurant. Decided to walk back up the Haupstrasse and eat at the Dubliner. On the way we stopped in a café where a bookcrossing book had been released and we found it!

We had a great dinner at the Dubliner – German specialties with great homemade “chips” (French fries) and good beer. It was one of the best meals we’ve had and very reasonable. Funnily enough, we at German cuisine at an Irish pub. Jane and I had gone to the restroom and there was a vending machine selling “hot sex toys” for 3 Euro. After dinner Jane ran down there and got one.

We went up to Mike’s room, totally rearranged the furniture so the bed was sideways and each of us could lie on it and watch a movie on Mike’s laptop. We watched Tootsie and then when Jane and I were leaving she passed the “toy” to me and I put it under Mike’s water glass in the bathroom. HAha.

As Jane and I were walking down the Haupstrasse this man came up to us and said, “May I ask you a question?” If he hadn’t been nicely dressed and with two women, we would have freaked out, he was such a “close talker.” Man!

We got back to the Chump Dump, watched our 15 minutes of City Slickers and went to bed.